instead of christmas lights we'll put plastic in our windows try to keep the heat inside so we can half afford the gas bill the cat could live on mice except she doesn't really catch them so we'll feed her table scraps and hope they're not too rotten i can't tell if you're drunk or you're sad your eyes look the same either way we send you treason's greetings we're not exchanging gifts we're out of cash and out of christmas cheer my crush is under the mistletoe but keeping me at arm's length telling me to call them the ghost of christmas present the only gift i want is to guillotine jeff bezos and to spread all of his wealth among the workers of the world i can't tell if you're drunk or you're sad your eyes look the same either way we send you treason's greetings we're not exchanging gifts we're out of cash and out of christmas cheer twelve plumbers plumbing out the pipes that froze and burst eleven pipes we're scraping for resin cos we're dry ten edgelords a-leaping to share bad transphobic memes nine drag queens dancing to that mariah carey song eight bosses milking us for all we're fuckin worth seven dawn a-swimming in a bottle of red wine six geese a-laying that one's scary enough five cold fingers four calls a day about your car's extended warranty three french kisses from a stranger at the bar two doves that froze to death on my front porch and a part of me that hopes this is the last christmas i'll see cos i can't tell if you're drunk or you're sad your eyes look the same either way we send you treason's greetings we're not exchanging gifts we're out of cash and out of christmas cheer